Under Sea Garden

Up until today, I'd never really thought about it. So I'm gay. I'm out to my friends, even if I'm not out to my parents, and my girlfriend is amazing. It's just how things are.


This afternoon I was called into the office of the site manager where I work and told that I should, from this point on, refrain from talking about my personal life or making any kind of reference to any significant other while at work. Because someone had complained. No. They'd "expressed some concern."

Because I'd said to someone commenting on my height, "Yeah, my girlfriend teases me about it all the time."

What I do for this company is job recruiting. I interview people, bring them in for testing and then, if they pass, send them down for supervisor interviews. It's just as straight forward as it sounds. A pun that I should have realized would be taken very much to heart.

The "concern" was expressed anonymously, though, based on the incident that was given to me I know exactly who was there and have a fairly good idea as to who it was that spoke to the management. I'm not sure that we hired them.

Bad enough, that I should be told that I will be required not to mention one of the people most important to me, even in passing, while in the office, the reasoning becomes enough to leave me numb. Because, apparently, as the recruiter I'm one of the first impressions that potential employees are given of the company. My mentioning my personal life -- and at this point in the conversation my Significant Other was mentioned specifically -- may give them a bad impression of the company at large.

There is a slightly sick feeling lingering in the back of my throat. Perhaps I should have gotten madder. Perhaps I should have asked more questions. Perhaps, though, they're right. It isn't professional to talk about your personal life to people you don't know. There's no reason to bring it up, and certainly no reason to think that anyone else would care.

Except that I can not shake the feeling that if I had said that the person teasing me was a boyfriend, or a husband, or simply tacked an S onto the end of just one word in that statement, this conversation never would have taken place.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Am I being foolish and immature by thinking that talking about the Girl is a given right? An adult, a well and truly mature adult, would be able to suck it up and simply accept that life doesn't always operate in the manner we think it should and sometimes we make choices that mean we have to do things we don't like. The part of me that fears my parent's rejection, that wonders at whether I would be allowed to family events, is screaming that what else did I expect? To be a functioning member of society certain accepted sacrifices are made. Live outside those expectations and other sacrifices will be added to your list. And this is one of mine.

Yet this too feels unfair. It feels wrong.

Again, I wonder at my own lack of anger. I think that maybe it simply comes from the fact that I don't know where to put it. I don't even know that I have any right to it. Having smiled through the whole interview, nothing being more important showing them I understood and wouldn't make any kind of fuss, it seems I've gotten stuck on Fine, and everything except a kind of numb shock has abandoned me. This whole post is so much less clear than I would like, and perhaps I'll come back later and clean it up, but it will do for now.



At least I got my car back this afternoon, fixed and running better than it has in months and months.

A transcript of the speech against the Kansas legislature approved amendment that would prohibit both gay marriage and civil unions by Rep. Paul Davis:

"Mr. Speaker:

My core beliefs and my conscience call me to this podium today. Every
day, this body makes important decisions that affect the lives of many
Kansans. We make decisions about whether an elderly person will
receive home health care, we make decisions about how much in taxes a
businessperson is going to pay, and we make decisions about whether a
highway worker is going to have a job next year. But very rarely are
we called to make decisions about the fundamental rights of our fellow
human beings.

Over two centuries ago, our founding fathers in declaring their
independence from the King stated that "all men are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,
that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
They also said that it is the responsibility of Government to secure
these rights. However, this Government, the State of Kansas, that was
empowered by our founding fathers to protect the rights of all
citizens, is now proposing to strip away the liberty of a segment of our fellow
Kansans.

I must confess that I have reservations about the concept of allowing
people of the same sex to enter into the time honored institution of
marriage. This is a question that I have struggled with. However,
subsection (b) of this resolution troubles me greatly. Like many in
this Legislature, I have gay and lesbian friends. I've worked with
gay and lesbian persons, gone to school with gay and lesbian persons,
and worshiped in a church with gay and lesbian persons. Are they a
little different from us? Yes they are. But fundamentally, they are
human beings, just like everyone of us.

Woodrow Wilson said in 1912 that "the history of liberty is a history
of resistance.....a history of limitations of governmental power, not the
increase of it". What is being proposed today is a governmental
infringement upon the liberty of a segment of our fellow human beings.
By disallowing them the ability to share insurance policies, rights of
survivorship and other benefits that a heterosexual couple may obtain
by entering into the civil contract of marriage, we are in essence saying
"you are second class citizens". And make no mistake, that is
the message that this Legislature is saying to the thousands of gay and
lesbians that live in our state.

There are reasonable people on both sides of this issue. I do believe
those in this chamber who have brought this issue to the House floor
have good intentions. They want to do what they believe is right for
their state and their communities. But this vehicle is sorely
misguided and the result has prayed upon the worst of all human characteristics:
Hate. The hatred for homosexuals that I have seen displayed in the
many emails and letters that I have received is beyond belief, particularly
in this day and age. I hope this Legislature will see fit in the
future to promote policies that bring people together and help us all
understand and appreciate the differences among us, instead of
exacerbating the chasms of intolerance. We would be wise to heed
the words of the Dutch philosopher Baruch Spiniza, who said "the
object the government is not change men from rational beings into
beasts or puppets, but to enable them to develop their minds and bodies in
security, and to employ their reason unshackled; neither showing
hatred, anger or deceit, nor watched with the eyes of jealousy and injustice.
In fact, the true aim of government is liberty".

When I walk out my front door, I frequently see the lesbian couple, who
have an adopted child, that live across the street from me. They are
delightful people, good parents and I'm proud to have them as my
neighbors. Whether a gay person lives in your neighborhood or not,
they are all our neighbors because they share in this place we call Kansas.
And we must always remember what the gospel of St. Matthew teaches us
"thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself".

In 1924, the Virginia Legislature enacted a law saying that only
persons of the same race can enter into marriage. 43 years later, the
Supreme Court of the United States said this act violated the Equal
Protection Clause of the 14th amendment to the Constitution. I think
it is safe to say that we all look upon this act of the Virginia
Legislature in 1924 as being morally wrong. This is a judgment that
history has made as we have evolved as a society. I have no doubt that
we would all feel some degree of shame if it was our father or
grandfather who served in the 1924 Virginia Legislature and voted for
this Act.

As you cast your vote today, make sure it is one that your conscience
can live with. And make sure it is one that your children and
grandchildren can live with, because history will be judging this vote
more than any other you will cast."


The amendment was approved and in April the people of Kansas will be able to vote on the issue, but until then I only hope that more people will hear Mr. Davis' words and take them to heart.

Borrowed from tpine.