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A Reminder.
Dec. 14th, 2005 05:47 pmUp until today, I'd never really thought about it. So I'm gay. I'm out to my friends, even if I'm not out to my parents, and my girlfriend is amazing. It's just how things are.
This afternoon I was called into the office of the site manager where I work and told that I should, from this point on, refrain from talking about my personal life or making any kind of reference to any significant other while at work. Because someone had complained. No. They'd "expressed some concern."
Because I'd said to someone commenting on my height, "Yeah, my girlfriend teases me about it all the time."
What I do for this company is job recruiting. I interview people, bring them in for testing and then, if they pass, send them down for supervisor interviews. It's just as straight forward as it sounds. A pun that I should have realized would be taken very much to heart.
The "concern" was expressed anonymously, though, based on the incident that was given to me I know exactly who was there and have a fairly good idea as to who it was that spoke to the management. I'm not sure that we hired them.
Bad enough, that I should be told that I will be required not to mention one of the people most important to me, even in passing, while in the office, the reasoning becomes enough to leave me numb. Because, apparently, as the recruiter I'm one of the first impressions that potential employees are given of the company. My mentioning my personal life -- and at this point in the conversation my Significant Other was mentioned specifically -- may give them a bad impression of the company at large.
There is a slightly sick feeling lingering in the back of my throat. Perhaps I should have gotten madder. Perhaps I should have asked more questions. Perhaps, though, they're right. It isn't professional to talk about your personal life to people you don't know. There's no reason to bring it up, and certainly no reason to think that anyone else would care.
Except that I can not shake the feeling that if I had said that the person teasing me was a boyfriend, or a husband, or simply tacked an S onto the end of just one word in that statement, this conversation never would have taken place.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Am I being foolish and immature by thinking that talking about the Girl is a given right? An adult, a well and truly mature adult, would be able to suck it up and simply accept that life doesn't always operate in the manner we think it should and sometimes we make choices that mean we have to do things we don't like. The part of me that fears my parent's rejection, that wonders at whether I would be allowed to family events, is screaming that what else did I expect? To be a functioning member of society certain accepted sacrifices are made. Live outside those expectations and other sacrifices will be added to your list. And this is one of mine.
Yet this too feels unfair. It feels wrong.
Again, I wonder at my own lack of anger. I think that maybe it simply comes from the fact that I don't know where to put it. I don't even know that I have any right to it. Having smiled through the whole interview, nothing being more important showing them I understood and wouldn't make any kind of fuss, it seems I've gotten stuck on Fine, and everything except a kind of numb shock has abandoned me. This whole post is so much less clear than I would like, and perhaps I'll come back later and clean it up, but it will do for now.
At least I got my car back this afternoon, fixed and running better than it has in months and months.
This afternoon I was called into the office of the site manager where I work and told that I should, from this point on, refrain from talking about my personal life or making any kind of reference to any significant other while at work. Because someone had complained. No. They'd "expressed some concern."
Because I'd said to someone commenting on my height, "Yeah, my girlfriend teases me about it all the time."
What I do for this company is job recruiting. I interview people, bring them in for testing and then, if they pass, send them down for supervisor interviews. It's just as straight forward as it sounds. A pun that I should have realized would be taken very much to heart.
The "concern" was expressed anonymously, though, based on the incident that was given to me I know exactly who was there and have a fairly good idea as to who it was that spoke to the management. I'm not sure that we hired them.
Bad enough, that I should be told that I will be required not to mention one of the people most important to me, even in passing, while in the office, the reasoning becomes enough to leave me numb. Because, apparently, as the recruiter I'm one of the first impressions that potential employees are given of the company. My mentioning my personal life -- and at this point in the conversation my Significant Other was mentioned specifically -- may give them a bad impression of the company at large.
There is a slightly sick feeling lingering in the back of my throat. Perhaps I should have gotten madder. Perhaps I should have asked more questions. Perhaps, though, they're right. It isn't professional to talk about your personal life to people you don't know. There's no reason to bring it up, and certainly no reason to think that anyone else would care.
Except that I can not shake the feeling that if I had said that the person teasing me was a boyfriend, or a husband, or simply tacked an S onto the end of just one word in that statement, this conversation never would have taken place.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Am I being foolish and immature by thinking that talking about the Girl is a given right? An adult, a well and truly mature adult, would be able to suck it up and simply accept that life doesn't always operate in the manner we think it should and sometimes we make choices that mean we have to do things we don't like. The part of me that fears my parent's rejection, that wonders at whether I would be allowed to family events, is screaming that what else did I expect? To be a functioning member of society certain accepted sacrifices are made. Live outside those expectations and other sacrifices will be added to your list. And this is one of mine.
Yet this too feels unfair. It feels wrong.
Again, I wonder at my own lack of anger. I think that maybe it simply comes from the fact that I don't know where to put it. I don't even know that I have any right to it. Having smiled through the whole interview, nothing being more important showing them I understood and wouldn't make any kind of fuss, it seems I've gotten stuck on Fine, and everything except a kind of numb shock has abandoned me. This whole post is so much less clear than I would like, and perhaps I'll come back later and clean it up, but it will do for now.
At least I got my car back this afternoon, fixed and running better than it has in months and months.
