*laughs* Okay, the combination of your icon with the happy/laughing Roy just amuses the hell out of me.
But on a more serious note: Congratulations! That's fantastic, and I hope you both are very happy together. Have you set a date yet, or are you planning a long engagement?
Heh. Long is a good word for it considering the legality of the affair*. ^^;
Really though, it's a promise. One we both think is really important. Which, yeah, turns me into such a girl.
...also, you should be amused to note I just got a call from a friend who was freaking out because she read this and was worried I was getting married and hadn't told her yet. *WIN!* XD
*Also. I am a cradle robber. She does not mind but sometimes my brain shows me visions of Special Hell... *amused facepalm*
*laughs* Nothing wrong with being such a girl. If being a girl means being joyful over really important promises, then I think more people should be girls - heck, some of the guys I know are in need of "girlhood" more than anyone else I know... *wry*
And incidentally, nothing wrong with dating someone younger, either. My step-grandmother was twenty-four years younger than my grandfather. You guys don't have anywhere approaching that kind of age difference. I'd say better to be close in mind and in heart than in age. (and last I checked, 18 was considered legal...?)
*laughs* Actually, more than a few people in my family are years apart (7, 10, all kinds of stuff) but it's harder when you're both women. Which makes it odd that I can be fairly excited about this, for all that it's more of a promise than an actual engagement, online, but not to my family. Or to all that many of the people I know, actually.
I mean, I'm an age where getting engagement or even talking about is seen as reasonable and probably even a good idea (God forbid I should end up an old single Cat Lady or something.), but she's not. Which makes me, on occasion feel a little sketchy. People tend to look at youth and decide that it makes people incapable of knowing what they want in life, but knowing that you want a relationship like ours warrants even more skepticism.
Eh heh. Sorry for the brain spew. *sheepish head rub* ^^;
I felt kinda the same about some of that last summer -- it was so great to be excited and open about it online, but that's the only place we were. We're in such a habit, after all these years, about keeping our relationship pretty much in the closet (or at least "don't ask, don't tell") in real life that we don't even tell people who *do* know we're a couple, like our family doc. Not that we really care what he thinks anyway so there's no reason to tell him.
[excerpt here taken to email instead]
Urgh. I hope this doesn't come off as "it's all about me!" what I mean is "I can relate." But I don't mean to take over your good news post that should be all about you two! *^_^*
*laughs* No, not at all. Really, it just... really nice, I guess, to have people out there who can understand. It's not necessarily something I was expecting to find, even online. Sympathy, encouragement, support, sure, but real understanding? Not as much. *HUGS* You guys are this insanely happy inspiration for us, you know that, right?
And yeah, while I am out to all of my very close friends, and even my parents, there's still this sense of... I'm not sure what. Defensiveness, perhaps, to what I say and do. It's a shame, but it's hard not to think that way when it's how society has trained us to react.
Oh good, that's what I was hoping for. Because I kinda feel the same about you guys, to see two people so beautifully in love despite the obstacles, it's encouraging to Tav and I too. And it's really cool to have someone else who can relate to our obstacles and how we deal with them.
The question of youth is a tricky one, I have to admit. The first time my husband suggested that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, I kissed him quiet before he could say it, and then informed him that until he'd lived life on his own for one year post-graduation, I could not consider such things. In my case, it was just because I'm a little older, had lived a lot more, and didn't want the Iowa farm boy to come to me without first getting a taste of the world. It was a bit selfish of me, since he knew even then what he wanted, but I needed that reassurance that he was choosing me rather than just taking one of the few options fate had provided at that point.
It worked out. It was difficult. He spent his year about 2400 miles away from me, and that truly sucked. But it was a step I had to have in order to feel comfortable, because some events in life do change a person (getting through high school or college or not, living independently or not, etc.), and it is important to allow those changes.
That was just my experience, of course, and I tend to be cautious to a fault. In your case, things are certainly different, what with the added pressured of societal and familial discomfort on the issue of sexual orientation, but I tend to think that those things are less important than just being really sure you want each other.
There is plenty of time to reach certainty - long engagements are a very good thing. In the meantime, you love her, she loves you, and there's no better feeling in the universe than being truly in love. Enjoy it!
and post a picture of the rings? *laughs* Sorry, I'm sentimental and curious like that, and your photography is good.
Really though, and I trust the Girl seeing as how she's got a stupidly good and reasonable head on her shoulders, it's almost exactly what you're saying. I know I changed a great deal during my time in college, but then again, in some ways, not at all. And then in my family and friend circle here at home there are a rather terrible number of people who have been married for a million years and been dating since high school.
And then there are my parents who waited until they were both right around 30, but got married after only knowing each other six months-- engaged after only six weeks! XD
Oh, the examples life gives us sometimes just add to the over all internal crazy. Heh.
Re Legality: you could come get married in Canada, you know. Actually lots of gay people come to Canada now to get married even if it's not going to be recognized in their home country. Just sayin'. ~_^
Of course, my engagement with Tav is being a very long one too, with no date-setting in sight... but that's more about personal financial practicalities and him still not being ready to be out to his parents. *le sigh*
Don't think it hasn't come up. Heh. It's just there are worries about parental reaction and such. She has schooling still to get through and to mess with that right now... let's just say we totally understand where you're coming from on the Financial Considerations front.
*smile* Though I do have a friend who encouraging our moving to Massachusetts what with the okayness of the marriage there, but we'll have to see.
Totally understood -- see references to the situation with Tav's parents. (I don't talk to mine anymore.)
The way Tav and I see it, we can have commitment and stability and celebrate our relationship plenty without needing to get married, despite what society conditions us all to believe. The marriage thing is about granting or massively simplifying legal rights like income taxes, spousal benefits, property issues, hospital visitation rights, power of attorney, inheritance, etc.
As long as we don't have property to fuss with and benefits are covered for both of us, we can hope that no emergency or tragedy comes up where the others would be a factor -- and really, at our ages, it's a pretty minimal risk -- and you guys are even younger. (Tav and I are *gasp* almost thirty! Ohnoes!) So it makes sense to wait and enjoy what you have now without needing to be married to do so.
Not that I didn't go all mushy and squeeful and romantic when Tav and I did finally make the decision that when it became financially viable we would get married for practical reasons, thus making us engaged. See above about social conditioning. *^_^*
People see what they want to, and often skim on personal entries' comments out of an odd sense of respecting a person's privacy (which makes no sense at all on a forum like lj, but people are silly creatures *laughs*).
And thank you for clearing up the legality thing: I guess I'll just have to table my plans to call down the wrath of child services upon you both... *shakes head sadly*wanted to see what you guys look like and figured the episode of COPS might be revealing*
*is soooooo totally joking, in case that wasn't clear*laughs*
So what kind of rings did you get? Gold? Silver? Titanium? Are there sparklies involved? And who proposed? And where? *is shamelessly very much a girl, and consequently loves details*
*laughs* It really was very simple, Tren. I was walking past a jewelry booth at college - we have a vendor fair once a quarter - and found two rings in the right size, matching, silver. Endless knots, I guess you could call the pattern, because it's simple and clean and just...threads.
Honestly, I just slipped it on her hand in the car that afternoon. ^^;; I'm not a Sparklies kind of girl, nor do I like big ceremonies, so I guess this was mine. She'll get hers later, I'm sure. Heh.
*blush* Thanks ^^;; You can't doubt the power of the Outdoor Jewelry Booth. Also, you show us yours and we'll most likely show you ours. Ask the half of this pair with a camera. ^^;
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-17 10:27 pm (UTC)Tav and I will be having our own ring-anniversary in June. ^_^
...unless I've completely misunderstood.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-17 10:36 pm (UTC)^^ Eee. You haven't misunderstood.
Eee.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 03:17 am (UTC)*dances with you both*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-17 10:38 pm (UTC)Hee.
Also, you and and Tav are the cutest things to ever cute. Just so you know.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 03:18 am (UTC)I think you might be confusing "cute" and "dork" though.... ~_^
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 03:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 05:55 am (UTC)nekkidsketch that Karot sent for my birthday, it proved that YOU two are the cutest to ever cute!(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 05:25 pm (UTC)...I had my necklace on, if I remember correctly.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 05:40 pm (UTC)Didn't!
Or at least, it wasn't drawn in. You have arm cuffs though. Rune has necklaces.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 07:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 01:51 am (UTC)congrats!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 03:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 04:41 am (UTC)*SNOGS*
CONGRATULATIONS! ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 03:21 pm (UTC)XD
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 03:39 pm (UTC)But on a more serious note: Congratulations! That's fantastic, and I hope you both are very happy together. Have you set a date yet, or are you planning a long engagement?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 04:13 pm (UTC)Really though, it's a promise. One we both think is really important. Which, yeah, turns me into such a girl.
...also, you should be amused to note I just got a call from a friend who was freaking out because she read this and was worried I was getting married and hadn't told her yet. *WIN!* XD
*Also. I am a cradle robber. She does not mind but sometimes my brain shows me visions of Special Hell... *amused facepalm*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 07:17 pm (UTC)And incidentally, nothing wrong with dating someone younger, either. My step-grandmother was twenty-four years younger than my grandfather. You guys don't have anywhere approaching that kind of age difference. I'd say better to be close in mind and in heart than in age. (and last I checked, 18 was considered legal...?)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 04:59 pm (UTC)I mean, I'm an age where getting engagement or even talking about is seen as reasonable and probably even a good idea (God forbid I should end up an old single Cat Lady or something.), but she's not. Which makes me, on occasion feel a little sketchy. People tend to look at youth and decide that it makes people incapable of knowing what they want in life, but knowing that you want a relationship like ours warrants even more skepticism.
Eh heh. Sorry for the brain spew. *sheepish head rub* ^^;
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 05:53 pm (UTC)[excerpt here taken to email instead]
Urgh. I hope this doesn't come off as "it's all about me!" what I mean is "I can relate." But I don't mean to take over your good news post that should be all about you two! *^_^*
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:09 pm (UTC)And yeah, while I am out to all of my very close friends, and even my parents, there's still this sense of... I'm not sure what. Defensiveness, perhaps, to what I say and do. It's a shame, but it's hard not to think that way when it's how society has trained us to react.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 08:05 pm (UTC)Yeah, that defensiveness. It's so frustrating....
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:13 pm (UTC)It worked out. It was difficult. He spent his year about 2400 miles away from me, and that truly sucked. But it was a step I had to have in order to feel comfortable, because some events in life do change a person (getting through high school or college or not, living independently or not, etc.), and it is important to allow those changes.
That was just my experience, of course, and I tend to be cautious to a fault. In your case, things are certainly different, what with the added pressured of societal and familial discomfort on the issue of sexual orientation, but I tend to think that those things are less important than just being really sure you want each other.
There is plenty of time to reach certainty - long engagements are a very good thing. In the meantime, you love her, she loves you, and there's no better feeling in the universe than being truly in love. Enjoy it!
and post a picture of the rings? *laughs* Sorry, I'm sentimental and curious like that, and your photography is good.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:24 pm (UTC)Really though, and I trust the Girl seeing as how she's got a stupidly good and reasonable head on her shoulders, it's almost exactly what you're saying. I know I changed a great deal during my time in college, but then again, in some ways, not at all. And then in my family and friend circle here at home there are a rather terrible number of people who have been married for a million years and been dating since high school.
And then there are my parents who waited until they were both right around 30, but got married after only knowing each other six months-- engaged after only six weeks! XD
Oh, the examples life gives us sometimes just add to the over all internal crazy. Heh.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:00 am (UTC)Of course, my engagement with Tav is being a very long one too, with no date-setting in sight... but that's more about personal financial practicalities and him still not being ready to be out to his parents. *le sigh*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 05:14 pm (UTC)*smile* Though I do have a friend who encouraging our moving to Massachusetts what with the okayness of the marriage there, but we'll have to see.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:00 pm (UTC)The way Tav and I see it, we can have commitment and stability and celebrate our relationship plenty without needing to get married, despite what society conditions us all to believe. The marriage thing is about granting or massively simplifying legal rights like income taxes, spousal benefits, property issues, hospital visitation rights, power of attorney, inheritance, etc.
As long as we don't have property to fuss with and benefits are covered for both of us, we can hope that no emergency or tragedy comes up where the others would be a factor -- and really, at our ages, it's a pretty minimal risk -- and you guys are even younger. (Tav and I are *gasp* almost thirty! Ohnoes!) So it makes sense to wait and enjoy what you have now without needing to be married to do so.
Not that I didn't go all mushy and squeeful and romantic when Tav and I did finally make the decision that when it became financially viable we would get married for practical reasons, thus making us engaged. See above about social conditioning. *^_^*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 07:09 pm (UTC)Also, I'm amused at how many people don't read all the comments, 'cause you'd think everybody'd have figured me out by now... o.O;
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 07:22 pm (UTC)And thank you for clearing up the legality thing: I guess I'll just have to table my plans to call down the wrath of child services upon you both... *shakes head sadly*wanted to see what you guys look like and figured the episode of COPS might be revealing*
*is soooooo totally joking, in case that wasn't clear*laughs*
So what kind of rings did you get? Gold? Silver? Titanium? Are there sparklies involved? And who proposed? And where? *is shamelessly very much a girl, and consequently loves details*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-18 07:33 pm (UTC)Honestly, I just slipped it on her hand in the car that afternoon. ^^;; I'm not a Sparklies kind of girl, nor do I like big ceremonies, so I guess this was mine. She'll get hers later, I'm sure. Heh.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:07 am (UTC)I'm really delighted for you both, you know. I've been quietly rooting for you two ever since it was confirmed that you are Rune's The Girl. *^_^*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 02:52 pm (UTC)*snug*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:15 pm (UTC)Exactly the proposition I was hoping for! *grins*
*after much digging around to figure out where the heck I'd uploaded them*
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/calendarfish/rings1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/calendarfish/rings2.jpg
Your turn!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:25 pm (UTC)Heh. It's a good thing Rana wants pictures this weekend. *will now be busting out the camera for real* ^^
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 07:16 pm (UTC)Um. Heh. I'll go bug Rune ^^
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-19 06:03 am (UTC)Hey you got to the asking for details before I did!
I was too busy arguing dork vs. cute. Foo.