Introspection. Feh.

[aquabean]

From an email conversation with someone who might actually recognize it when they see it. Cleaning out my inbox and it was discovered... sometimes I say these things that are applicable in so many ways, to so many things.


At some point along the line we decided that even friendship is inherently selfish. There are those who feel that people take part in relationships because we care about them when really, you and I feel that we do it because we want them to care about us.

This isn't to say we don't care. We do. It's simply that often times our ability -- desire? -- to care is directly proportional to the amount we perceive others care for us. Because we admit we're unsure of our relationship to the rest of the world, to the people around us, we then view all attention directed our way, with inherent suspicion. We don't trust our own feelings for others, we certainly can't trust their feelings for us.

Comments

[runefallstar.livejournal.com]

That happened to me in high school actually. I'm a rather snarky person and K and I just got stuck. Eventually we moved past it but it took actual talking and a willingness to listen that we weren't ready to deal with in the beginning. I was in her wedding last summer, so obviously we got past it. Heh.

The thing is, I know exactly how you feel about the distancing. My automatic reaction to people who push me away, even in the slightest, is to let go and walk away. Not healthy, per say, but certainly rather terribly pragmatic. They can't hurt you if you've already let go. And yes, it's selfish, but when it comes to keeping ourselves safe, I have to say that it's almost silly to expect anything else.

*wry grin* Then again, I'm a mite fatalistic about these kinds of things, so take me with a fair amount of salt.