aquabean | Original fiction - A play in one act.

Title: Final Sale
Author: rune
Summary: It's all about what package you sign up for.

A large room. One wall is made up of a bank-teller style service windows. They extend beyond our line line of sight in both directions. It is not unlike the waiting area of the DMV, if it had been done on a several millioin dollar budget. Red velvet ropes hang from gold stands forming an intricate maze leading to the windows themselves.

Behind the center window stands a clerk. Though the glass is clearn, he his difficult to see, hidden mostly in shadow. He has long fingers and plays idly with a large hand stamp. It says, “Final Sale.”

Standing in front of the window is Elisa. She is average in every way. Short dark hair hints at an anti-establishment bent. Her clothes could be worn by any young person in their early 20’s. Her shirt reads, “chicks dig giant robots.”

Clerk: (he is in every way apathetic) Yes?
Elisa: Um, I think there’s been a mistake.
Clerk: No, there hasn’t.
Elisa: No, there has. I know I didn’t sign up for the “Surly teenager, dicouraged and bitter adult,” Package.
Clerk: Hey, that’s one of our most popular--
Elisa: What I wanted was the, “Artistic genius, beloved and admired by all,” package. (She pulls from her shoulder bag a small black notebook) And I have right here that my second choice was the, “Velvet Glove, benevolent dictator,” deal you advertised.
Clerk: That was a typo.
Elisa: A, what?
Clerk: Typo.
Elisa: (She reaches up and rubs the bridge of her nose with one hand) So I’m stuck with this? A surly teenager? How long does it last?
Clerk: It’s falls into our, “unfreasonably youthful,” catagory, along with “Emotionless botox queen,” and “Reliving highschool football glory.”
Elisa: (She covers her face with both hands) Oh. God.
Clerk: (sounding for the first time sympathetic) Well, if you really push it I might have... (He reaches below the counter and pulls out a large ledger book. He flips pages until he finds what he’s looking for.) “Fairly talented, but unmotivated,” Oh, this one’s got a bonus, “Shining child-like spirit.”

There is a moment of weighted silence before either of them moves.

Elisa: Um...
Clerk: It’s one of our few upgradable packages.
Elisa: Upgradeable?
Clerk: (Moving out from the shadows for the first time, we see his face. He is quite handsome.) Well, people don’t usually go for this one ‘cause it’s only one half of a set. You need to track down a, “Wildly creative, but self-doubting, old-soul in young body.” Or, sometimes, a, “Prematurely middle aged, but secretly snarky.” Then they automatically upgrade to, “Highly productive support system, specializing in, The Funny,” or “Focused, but amusing, creating the New and Exciting.”
Elisa: (Looking, for the first time hopefull) Anything is better than, “Surly teenager.”
Clerk: So you’ve decided?
Elisa: Yeah. I”ll go with the unmotivated talent.
Clerk: (Tapping out a short beat against the counter with his stamp and smiling for the first time) Wicked.

From behind him in the shadows the Clerk pulls a large cream coloured certificate, embossed with green and gold. He stamps the bottom, “Final Sale.” He then places it below the desk and slides another, smaller, slip of paper through a slot in the window.

Clerk: Your receipt.
Elisa: (Putting both the reciept and notebook away in her bag) Thanks.

She smiles again, and starts to walk away.

Clerk: (He knocks on the glass and then leaves his hand pressed against it.) You know, I’ve heard people sometimes have pretty good luck when they put out an ad.
Elisa: Really?

Another moment passes in silence, but this time they are both smiling.

Elisa: An ad...I’ll have to look into that.

She waves and turns away againg. He remains at the window, smiling, the stamp still in one hand.