Crack, it's what's for dinner.

[aquabean]

My grandma is legally blind. This means that there are all kinds of nifty gadgets at her house, including a voice activated dialing device. My father finds it particularly fascinating. I was reminded of this last night at dinner.

Papa: *bent over, speaking in a wavering falsetto* Mike.
Machine: *tinny “female” voice* Mike.
Papa: *in the same Grandma Voice* Stupid.
Grandma: *vaguely horrified* What you doing?
Machine: Virginia.
Papa: *snickers* Nothing.
Mama: *calling from the kitchen* Michael, you leave that thing alone!
Papa: *grinning madly* Stupid.
Machine: Spoke too soon.
Grandma: *flustered and amused as only a mother can be* Oh, just call your sister.
Papa: *deaf as a post when he wants to be* Stupid.
Machine: Griffin.
Papa: Heh.
Grandma: *amusedly exasperated* Would you just call your sister?
Papa: *considers for a moment before bending over again* Mar—Stupid Ann.
Machine: Spoke too soon.
Papa: *snickering* Stupid Ann.
Grandma: *throwing her hands up and walking away* Oh, for the love of—hmph.
Mama: *comes to stand beside Papa* Why do you do this?
Papa: *as though this explains everything* When you do “Saddam Hussein” you get “Sarah and Ben.”
Bear and Me: *snicker*
Mama: *to us* You’re not helping.
Papa: *ignoring us all again* Osama bin Laden.
Machine: Name not found.
Papa: Osama bin Laden
Mama: *opens mouth to speak, gives up, and instead joins Grandma in the living room*
Papa: Saddam Hussein.
Bear: *because it does explain everything* I love Papa.


Speaking of the Bear, she actually went through a major life change today. She had her wisdom teeth pulled. I called to see how she was doing and spoke to my mom.

Mama: *very serious* She can’t be left alone at all today.
Me: *snerking* Because she might die?
Mama: *full of sympathy* It’s so sad.
Me: Heh. Is she all puffy?
Mama: Yes. Swollen and -- *speaking sternly to someone on her end* Wipe yourself up!
Mama: *vaguely huffy* She just keep drooling.