"Conducting an experiment in watermelon longevity..."

So. Hi, again, this is karotsamused hijacking the Livejournal again.

I just did one of the grossest things that I've ever done.

You see, back in...when was it, January? Rune got a watermelon to get ready for her birthday party. It went unused, ignored, and acquired a home atop the refrigerator.
A few weeks ago, we noticed it growing things.
Today, we got home from a nice dinner at Panda Now and Rune turned to me, saying, "...Does this apartment smell funny to you?"

We plastic-bagged our hands, Rune got up on a chair, and I held the garbage bag while we slid putrid watermelon off of the top of the refrigerator, and I ran it out to the dumpster as fast as I could. On the way, the bag creaked like breaking, and the watermelon refused to enter the dumpster until I gave it a good what-for. I was terrified of that watermelon.
The smell was not unlike sour death.

I left Rune inside to clean off the top of the fridge, and, apparently, to speculate on the nature of our experiment in ass-nasty.

"I think sometime during the night, it lost its structural integrity, and the bottom flattened out. 'Cause if it had been smelly earlier there would have been a puddle of goo, but there was only the -outline- of a puddle of goo. Also, it was cleaned away with a 409 Multi-surface cleaner. Left a nice soapy smell. Sort of like Scrubbing Bubbles."

So now, the Watermelon Of Ages rests in the dumpster out in the garage. Man. That was a terrifying fruit.

"...I have the best girlfriend ever! Brave, facing the squishy beast!"
Damn right she does.